Secrets
by NekoDae
Summary: When Mello and Near get in a fight too many Matt disappears. Three years later Matt saves Mello from a collapsed building and tends to his injuries. Fem/Matt
1. Chapter 1

Maxride: Hello ^.^

Mello: why am I here?

Maxride: Because your in the story...why else...*Glomps Matt*

Matt: *Plays on DS*

Mello: *Pulls gun on Maxride* get. away. from. my. Matt.

Maxride: *Hides behind gigantic bar of chocolate* you wouldn't hurt the chocolate would you?

Mello: *Drools* ...chocolate...

Maxride: *Sigh* Disclaimer time!...Near get your ass out here!

Near: I fail to see why I'm needed

Maxride: For the disclaimer silly

Near: *Sigh* Maxride4life doesn't own Death Note or it's characters...but she does own the idea and any OC's added in...happy?

Maxride: Very ^.^

_

* * *

_

Just so you know

_I'm not taking this so well_

_Since I've been alone_

_I've learned how to..._

_Cuss you out in Japanese_

_Organize my DVD's_

_Play solitaire again...and I_

_Hear that your doing fine_

_Smiling all the time_

_But you really rub it in...when you say you're over me_

_And you wanna be...just friends_

* * *

I stifled a yawn as I slipped from between my comforting blankets and shuffled to the door.

I hate mornings.

I quietly opened the door of the room I shared with the blond chocolate addict and stepped into the hall, closing the door behind me just as quietly. The halls were deserted at this time in the morning so I was unhindered as I quickly shuffled down the hall, down a flight of stairs, and another hallway, almost being caught out by a echoing 'CRRREEEEAAK' when I stood on a squeaky step. I fled down the stairs and down the long hallway on the first floor, slowing to a walk as I ghosted past Near's room and Roger's room before slipping cat-like through the door to the foyer and, quiet as a mouse, slipped though the door to the shower block after a quick dash across the foyer.

I sighed as I walked though the door to the shower room pausing, looking left and right. I've been here for about 8 years and no one has found out my secret yet. But, it's getting harder and harder to hide I thought as I wove through the alleys and streets made by the shower cubicles, eventually turning on the shower furthest away from the door, just watching as the water rushed down only to smash onto the tiled floor and be pushed down the plug hole. Stepping under the steaming jet of water and pulling the shower curtain across me, I just stood there as the water pounded off my back and head, dripping off my hair and running down my body. Eventually I turned off the water and grabbed my towel, drying off a little and wrapping up in a black and red robe before starting the walk back to the foyer. I was so close to the door before I heard someone say, "Matt." I spun around, fell, and cracked my head on the hard tiled floor.

I really hate mornings.

"Damn puddles," I muttered, rubbing the back of my head making sure I wasn't bleeding. As I muttered I could hear the echoes of slight foot falls on tile and looking up I came face to face with... "What do you want?" I pushed myself up and glared. He just looked at me with a knowing look.

"Matt, I never knew you were a girl," he still managed to sound smug though he was blushing.

"Well, I guess you know my little secret-" he cut me off, bending down and ghosting a kiss across my lips. He then walked past me and out into the foyer, leaving me in a daze on the floor, eyes wide and red as a rose. My lips were still tingling from the brief contact of his lips on mine and my mind was playing that moment over and over. Lips moving without consent, I whispered one name: "Near."

* * *

I was wide awake as Matt walked past my door, the hall immediately silent again. No-one was walking around at this time except people with things to hide "what are you hiding Matt?" I asked softly to no-one in particular as I stood and walked out the door and only a soft 'click' could be heard as it slid shut, the only sound that could alert someone to the fact that it had ever been opened in the first place. I saw Matt slipping into the foyer with liquid grace, letting the door click back into place behind him. I walked to the end of the hall opened the door and seeing no Matt I opened it wider, looking around the foyer he wouldn't have gone into the dining hall or any of the classrooms and he's not outside so he must be in the shower block.

I strode towards the shower block with a purpose but paused uncertainly when I heard Matt sigh from on the other side of the door before walking off. _And to think I almost opened the door while he was still there!_ I waited before opening the door and followed the sound of running water. I soon came to the shower cubical furthest away from the foyer door where clouds of steam were billowing out of the top. Why was he coming here so early? No one's ever here this early... I had to move quickly. I didn't want to be caught spying on Matt; Mello would try kill me and though I had my suspicions, I wasn't sure about what Matt was hiding or if I was just being paranoid.

I walked back around the corner as Matt turned off the water and watched from another cubical as Matt walked back the way he came, bust bouncing slightly as he walked past. ...Did I see that right? Wait, that means... My face heated up. "That's it!" I whispered/yelled as I slipped out of the shower and ran towards the foyer, taking a different way from Matt.

If I time this right, I'll catch Matt just before the door. But, if not, then I'll be standing in front of him...er...her. I walked quickly around the last corner to see Matt. Walking slowly past "Matt", I winced slightly as Matt's head hit the floor. Knowing she was OK when she rubbed the back of her head and muttered "damn puddles." I padded towards her, footfalls echoing off the walls. Matt looked at me, and after the shock left, she glared, "what do you want?"

I just looked at her, not moving away from the glare of those deep, green orbs nor moving to help her up because I knew she'd refuse. "Matt, I never knew you were a girl." My face was heating up again, every movement made the robe fall further off her shoulders, revealing more of her body but it seemed that she was so busy glaring at me to notice.

"Well, I guess you know my little secret-" I cut her off, bending down and in one liquid movement I was lightly kissing her sweet lips before standing again and walking off, leaving her in the same position on the floor.

Once I was in the foyer, I walked back to my room, closing the door as quiet as possible so that I wasn't noticed by the few beings who were walking around at this hour.

Why did she have to be so tempting? I shuffled over to my tower of dice which I dismantled and, clearing a space on the floor, I started to build again. Well, I knew I'm not gay, that didn't help very much, but why Matt? Why now? I stacked dice after dice on top of the ever-growing pile, making towers and turrets, turning a simple pile of dice into a intricate castle. I was so enthralled in the dice tower that I didn't notice the shuffling steps as Matt hurried back to the room that she shared with Mello Mello...who gets to see her every day...who gets to spend all day with her and never realizes how special she really is...Mello... just thinking this made my stomach coil painfully.

* * *

I opened the door to my shared room and slipped inside, walking to the dresser I slipped on some underwear and bra then quickly got into my usual gray jeans, back and white striped top and cream jacket, slipping my orange goggles over my head and pulling on my boots. I closed the dresser draws before turning on my DS and sitting on my bed. When Mello woke up I was sitting on my bed playing Pokémon on my DS. "Do you ever stop playing on that thing?" Mello asked irritably, pushing off his blankets and stretching, his boxers slipping down, before grabbing his robe and walking out, slamming the door afterward.

I put away my DS and got off the bed. Opening the door for the second time today, I walk down to the dining room which was, as always, pretty much empty except for a couple of early risers and the ones who cooked breakfast. Walking to the back of the hall I passed Near who was hunched on a seat drinking a cup of coffee with lots of sugar probably and walked towards the wonderful smells. Grabbing one of the white trays and a plate I got: two fried eggs, a piece of crispy bacon, and coffee with five sugar cubes. I walked to a table, pausing to get a knife and fork before sitting down across from Near. "So, what do I call you now?" he said, stirring his coffee with a tea spoon, not looking at me.

"Call me...Maya." I took a sip of my coffee before cutting a strip of bacon and taking a bite.

"Maya..." When he looked at me, his usually dull eyes where sparkling ever so slightly. "Thank you," he said, taking another sip of his coffee.

"For what exactly?" I speared a piece of egg on the end of my fork, closing my mouth around it and sliding it off the prongs, savoring the flavor of freshly cooked eggs.

"For trusting me with your name...your real name." He looked sincere but you could never tell with Near.

"Near." I could feel the tension in the air and could almost see a frosty haze as I sighed.

"Mello."

Again...I HATE MORNINGS!

Things had been icy between these two right from the word go...or maybe it had something to do with the fact that when they first met. Near wasn't replying to Mello so Mello threw a book at one of Near's more extravagant dice towers so that they could talk...Near retaliated, burning all of Mello's stashes of chocolate then got him in trouble when Mello beat the living crap out of Near when he found out who turned the chocolate into a burnt, ashy, smoking pile on the front steps.

I gave a sigh. "Matt would rather eat with me, wouldn't you?" Mello was very aggravated this morning, he usually doesn't PURPOSELY start a fight with Near...they just sort of "happen."

"Don't you think you should ask Matt what he wants?" Near just sipped his coffee nonchalantly.

"I know he'd rather eat with me," Mello grabbed my arm in a grip that screamed 'say otherwise and I'll break your arm'. "You've got nothing in common"

"Isn't that so amazingly stereotypical of you Mello? Just because we've got nothing in common we can't sit at the same table?" Near murmured, more to himself than anything but I knew Mello heard him as the already dangerous grip on my arm practically ripped out a gun and started waving it around.

...Almost like Mello.

"Do you want to bring this outside?" People were starting to pay attention to the bickering now, though only those who hadn't seen a fight between Mello and Near. The rest didn't even bother.

"That's right, whenever you can't win a fight by brains you try win by brawn." Near knew that he was pushing Mello closer and closer to the edge that could lead from anything to a few holes in the wall up to a fire or a toilet exploding.

Last time he tried it, three people got hit by shrapnel, eight were drenched in toilet water, and the bathroom was flooded for three weeks because somehow, a still pissed Mello got past three padlocks and a sheet of metal nailed to the wall and with some highly explosive material, blew the other five or six poor toilets through the roof...almost. I'm sure that the residents above said toilets appreciated this.

"I'm done anyway," jarring the two boys out of their little war long enough to get out of Mello's death-grip and away from the still twitching chocolate freak. "So you can stop aggravating each other."

"Mello go eat your chocolate somewhere else." Near took one last sip of his coffee before setting the now empty cup on the table and looked at Mello, sending him a icy glare.

_You're not helping!_

"Shut up sheep boy. Come on Matt, we've got better things to do." Mello finally dragged me away from 'sheep boy'.

I could see where that came from...but why a sheep?

And with a final wave back to Near I allowed myself to be dragged down the isles to where the students were being served breakfast "ah, here you go" Mello was handed two bars of chocolate by a utterly bored maid who obviously knew better than to mess with Mello when he's had no chocolate yet.

Mello ripped into a bar, breaking a hunk off as he stalked out of the room, through the foyer and out onto the hill that Wammy's House perched on. "Why were you with Sheep Boy?" He sat down and looked out across the never changing country view, violently tearing off another chunk of chocolate.

"Is it against the rules?" I asked sarcastically.

"Not exactly, I'm just curious as to why you'd sit with someone who's a socially stunted, unemotional Sheep like him." He glared at me, blond locks framing his angry features.

_Wow, he really acts like a hormonal girl at times..._ "Well, if it's not against the rules then there's nothing stopping me, is there?"

"I'm stopping you Matt." He sprung up, grabbing the front of my jacket in a steel grip, almost shaking my DS out of my pocket.

"Why?" I said, zipping both pockets. I don't like fighting with Mello...but sometimes it's necessary, if only to get him to stop acting like a jealous, hormonal girl for a couple of minutes. "Why can't I be with both of you without you two snapping at each others' throats?" I pushed Mello as hard as I could only to have him fall over and roll down the hill, still gripping me, pulling me down with him as he rolled. We quickly gained momentum as we rolled over each other, coming to a painful stop when we got trapped in the tentacle like arms of a overgrown rose bush.

* * *

The world was spinning, and I couldn't breath properly with Mello sprawled over me; and it was getting uncomfortably hot with his head on my shoulder, breathing on my neck in small, hitched breaths.

"Nngh...Mels, get off me."_ Why did he have to take his shit with Near out on me?_ Wincing as Mello got mutilated by the rose bush, I started to push my way out, hissing in pain ever time I was slashed by a thorn, digging into my flesh and sitting there, stinging, usually breaking off when I moved away. Soon, I had cuts and scratches adorning my face and my wrists bloody from being snagged by the killer thorns, their tentacle-like vines wrapping around us with a vicious glee as we moved away. Eventually getting away from it, we shuffled back up the hill and sat down to nurse our injuries.

"Hey, where were you two? Mr. Henson was getting- Why are you all cut up?" We turned to see a boy of about seven or eight standing on the steps of Wammy's, his deep blue eyes clouded with worry as he assessed us. "You should go to the nurse, those don't look too comfortable and you're both bleeding quite a lot," he took a couple of steps toward us, and scratched his head. "What did you do anyway? You look like you've been through a shredder..."

We looked at each other and Mello snickered while I managed to stifle my laugh. "Something like that, yeah." He got up and walked over to the boy, leaving me to go through the painful process of getting up. Of course, most of my cuts have to be on my waist and Mello's are on his arms and face. I picked myself up and walked over to where Mello and the other boy were waiting "go back to class, we'll be fine" the boy took one last, doubtful glance before turning and running back through the doors.

We walked in a stony silence towards the nurse's office, I wanted to say something to Mello but waves of black energy were rolling off him, plastering him in mental 'Do Not Cross' police tape but because only a selective few people were fluent in 'the personal language of Mello', lots of people still got yelled at.

Walking out of the foyer and through the doors of the nurse's office, we were assailed by a strong antiseptic smell and the stark, sparkling white, constrictingly small waiting room.

"And what happened to you?" Beatrice was the head nurse at Wammy's and she was probably the nicest as well. The other nurses just bandaged us up and sent us away, gossiping when we were out the door but Beatrice actually cared about what happened to us.

"Nothing major, just got into a small fight..."

"With what? A rabid squirrel?" She helped me up and walked us to a small hallway.

"A rose bush actually," Mello smirked as she lead us to separate rooms. Mello had a nurse in her 20's who was Beatrice's assistant and probably the only other one who could take Mello's bad moods and one-liners. I had Beatrice, who knew my secret and helped me every way she could.

"So where is it worst?" She asked, getting the bandages and antiseptic from a shelf and smiling as she walked back towards me

"On my arms and face I think...The rest should have been protected by my jacket...My jeans are really thick and so are my boots so only my arms, neck and face were in any danger."

"Really? You looked like you were in pain when you got up earlier." She dabbed some anti-septic on my cheek. I yelped from the sudden pain that shot through my face and lightly touching my stinging, wince-worthy cheek. I found a huge scratch running from the corner of my nose to my ear lobe. "Damn Mello..." I came out of the room, wincing. The rose had caused massive scratching on my face and arms, five long gashes ran from my wrist to my elbow in a twirling pattern, totally parallel to each other and a bruised rib...other than that I was fine.

I didn't see Mello outside so I waited and waited but he didn't come out so I figured he'd gone back to our room and turned, walking out to the deserted hall.

It turns out I was far from the truth.

* * *

_Here I go again..._

_I really miss you now it's time to_

_Beg pretty please I'm_

_Pouring on the cheese_

_My heart may never mend_

_And I've punched holes in all my walls_

_Closed down all the malls_

_Smashed my sister's violin...and I_

_Hung our picture by the bed_

_You're still living in my head_

_At least I can pretend...that you're not over me_

_Cause I can't be...Just Friends_

Maxride: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter

Matt: Why did I have to fall into the rose bush...? with him?*points at Mello*

Maxride: Because I said so...

Mello: *Nom's on chocolate contentedly*

Maxride: *Sigh* the song that i used was Just Friends by Frikin' A

Near: The link for the song...:http : // www . youtube . com / watch?v = AoqYuJT5yhw

Matt: *Glances at Mello and Maxride whispering in the corner and goeds back to DS*

_Whispered Conversation_

Mello: Why do I have to do it...?

_Maxride: Because all you ever do is torture Near, shoot random things and eat chocolate...you can do this!_

_Mello: But...-_

_Maxride: No buts! do it!_

_Mello: No_

_Maxride: *Points katana at Mello* ...NOW!_

_Whispering over now..._

Mello: *sigh* Review and save me from the torture...PRESS THE DAMN BUTTON!...save the chocolate...


	2. Dreams and reality

Don't be confused ok?

I started this at the start of the year and got about half way through. I have changed my writing style and couldn't re-write the first half in fear of spiraling back into the clutches of writers block.

I dON'T OWN dEATH nOTE OR IT'S CHARACTERS 

_Behind those eyes lies the truth and grief  
Behind those beautiful smiles I've seen tragedy  
The flawless skin hides the secrets within  
Silent forces that secretly ignite your sins_

_Fly away, fly away  
From the torch of blame  
They hunt you  
The Lucifer's Angels  
Never lived, you never died  
Your life has been denied  
They call you  
The Lucifer's Angel_

_

* * *

_

_Why? Watari never left his filing cabinet open, he's not even here damn it. So why is it open now?_

Minutes before I got a message saying to meet Roger in Watari's office and that it was important. So I left my seat in the waiting room and ran to Watari's office, confronted with the open cabinet I shut the door and scanned the room, searching for anything else out of place.

_When that closes it'll be locked and I wouldn't mind getting some info on some of the residents of Wammys, maybe even L himself…but I'd be busted quick enough_ I stood in the middle of the room, eyes never leaving the cabinet, torn in two. One part of me wanted to close the file cabinet and walk out but the other half wanted to go digging and that side was winning.

Suddenly I was in front of the files and reading the names…aliases of some of those who went to Wammys, the whole wall covered in cabinets_ out of all of them this could be most interesting_. My hand strayed towards a file, not as big as some of the others but by far not the smallest either. My fingers brushed the cardboard outer shell of the file then snapped forward, grabbing it and wrenching it out of it's tightly wedged position I sat on the floor and opened it. The first few pages were offences

_oh…I remember when we made that…it's a good reason that Rodger never trusted us with baked beans again… _-giggle- _I don't think that any of those children were ever the same…_ -snicker- _I love baked bean bombs…they go so well with cake_ –evil snicker-

the next couple of thick bundles were test results then right at the back of the file were the personal details, accurate as they were updated every year.

Name: Maika Jeevas

Alias: Matt

Age: 14

Gender: Female

Status: Third

Height: 168 centimeters

Weight: 52 kilograms

Blood type: O

Birthday: February 1, 1990

Star Sign: Aquarius

_That can't be-_ I slammed the file closed _-Matt can't be a girl…can he?…can she?-_ I stuffed the file back in it's place and slammed the draw closed with a echoing

-CLANG -

not even hearing it as I shakily stood up and ran out of the room, pushing past the hordes of people in the halls, not noticing the odd looks that I got from people, staring at the cuts and bruises on my face and arms or shouting things at me as I ran past. I just needed to sort this out _Matt can't be a girl…I would know if Matt were a girl…wouldn't I?._

Un-knowing of the disaster approaching I sighed when I opened the door, seeing an empty room.

_He'll come back here eventually_ I grabbed my DS from my pocket and turned it on _oh thank god it wasn't damaged_ I thought as I waited for Pokémon silver to load.

I had been playing for about 20 minutes when the door slammed open, denting the wall before bouncing off it, half closing on the shadow of Mello, head bowed and shaking uncontrollably.

"Mels…are you ok?" I saved my game and turned of the DS, placing it on my night stand I walked slowly over to Mello, not wanting to provoke him or anything when I know how he can be when he's upset "Mello?"

He looked up and before I knew it I was on the ground, head throbbing painfully, being dripped on by Mello who was sitting on my stomach one hand over my mouth and the other holding my hands above my head.

"Matt…or is it Maika?" he looked angry _damn_

I tried to say something but his hand muffled it all, making it into an un-legible mumble along the lines of "mewwo geft off mwe fu geat beffun"

"How long have we been friends for?" he looked me straight in the eye, a stray tear fell onto my cheek. He moved his hand from my mouth but refused to move "about six years…"

"and in those six years you never told me that you were a girl! Why?"

"because you never asked! When I came here everyone thought I was just a effeminate guy so I played along, hoping that someone would figure it out…my own private joke," I let out a miserable chuckle before continuing "but no-one did so I just settled for what people took me for" I could keep in the small sob "good enough?"

" ...?"

"Hello? Earth to Mello?" I said trying to look at his face, but it was hard when it was turned to one side  
Mello snapped, he got off me but kept the grip on my hands tight as he picked me up and turned me round. There was a short time during the turn that the grip slackened and because I wasn't one to waste a perfectly good opportunity I used it, elbowing Mello in the ribs.

His grip loosened fractionally but it was enough that I could sip from his grasp and trip him up with a spin kick to the knees and as he went down he turned, landing on his back with a hollow thunk forcing the air from his lungs.

This pissed him off to no end, grabbing my foot he pushed it off making me unbalance and giving him time to get up. Before I knew it I was being lifted from the floor by my collar and being slammed against a wall  
"S-Shush! Keep it down, will you?"  
"I'm such a idiot... " Mello let go of my shirt backing up, oblivious to the fact that without him holding me up I had now sunk to the floor. I saw his legs press against the edge of my bed, but didn't he notice because he was still starring at me.  
"Tgh! Get over it!" I said, picking myself up and dusting off my clothes before walking to the night stand to retrieve my DS, if I reached out I would be able to push him over.  
"... Matt . . . is a girl?" I almost didn't hear what Mello said

"you're muttering again…,"  
Mello just stood there, dumb struck, gaping at me. His deep blue eyes so wide they were ready to burst.  
",Wake up, dumb-ass!"  
I saw the book contact with his forehead, knocking him back onto my bed making the blankets fly up but he just lay there, completely motionless.  
"Matt is a girl?"  
I rolled my eyes and turned on the DS "Sheesh, how many times?"  
"well how would you feel if you found out I was a girl?" Mello sat up, eyes blazing _if looks could kill…_

"I wouldn't be too surprised" I smirked and walked out the door leaving Mello glaring at empty air.

* * *

_I can't believe Matt is a girl…I attacked a girl and not just any girl…I attacked Matt…_I watched sadly as Matt grabbed the DS and walked out, flipping her goggles over her eyes as she stepped out the door.

I don't know how long I sat there before I was pulled from my thought train "you really are a jerk…" I heard a cold voice from the door and, not even bothering to look at him I retorted.

"what the hell do you want sheep?"

"why I was just walking past and I could hear yelling. You know Rodger doesn't like you beating up people…don't you know hitting girls is bad Mello?"

_This little freak knows…?_ It would be a understatement to say I was shocked _why would she tell someone like Near and not tell me?_

"don't worry, I found out this morning…though I'll give you some advice. If you keep treating her like you do now you'll just push her further and further away" with that he was gone, drifting silently from the door frame and out of sight.

I turned around and face planted on the bed hot, angry tears soaking the pillow, scent of cinnamon and chocolate swirled around me making a comforting, homey smell. I never wanted to leave _she doesn't trust me…?._

* * *

I walked up the last set of stairs, stifling a yawn as I stopped out side the bedroom door. Fishing the key out of my pocket I fit it into the lock and ,with a flick of the wrist, the door swung open to reveal a unconscious Mello curled up on my bed "what the…-" I whisper yelled stepping into the room and closing the door quietly behind me. Creeping across the floor I examine Mello.

It was rather cute actually. Mello was curled up on his side, one hand under the pillow and the other next to his head. All the usual lines in his face were gone as he slept, leavening his face flawless and calm.

I smile, sighing "it's cute but I really wanted to sleep," I turned to Mello's bed, the black bed spread looked so inviting ", well he's asleep…he won't mind"

I sip off my shoes and, pulling my goggles around my neck, sink onto the bed falling asleep before my head was on the pillow.

* * *

I sat straight up, eyes wide and heart beating quickly. I let my eyes roam and around the room and sighed in relief when I saw that I was in the bedroom of my small two person apartment. Running my hands through my thick, long, red hair I sighed again, resting my forehead on my knees "damn it" I say quietly as I sit up and walk to the door.

I walked over to one of my laptops and started it up, as it turned its self on I walked into the kitchenette and started my morning processes –start coffee, read through a few files, have a quick shower.

As I walked away from the coffee pot I rub my eyes and yawn hugely, the night before I had successfully hacked Near's computer network and, after scrambling like all hell to secure it, I stayed up till the late hours of the morning reading before getting a hour and a half of sleep.

I flopped onto the couch and pulled the laptop onto my lap. Flicking through the files I noticed that another had been added to the group of suspected files and, clicking on it, I almost crowed in delight.

For the past two years I had been searching for Mello and finally my efforts had paid off. Closing the laptop and grabbing my jacket I raced from the apartment, pausing only to lock it in my flight to the car park.

Fishing the keys out of my pocket I unlocked the crimson all terrain vehicle and started it, slamming the door behind me in my rush to get out of the building "come on, come on" I tapped my foot impatiently as I looked for an opening in the traffic "yes" I grinned as I pulled into a gap in traffic and sped down the busy morning streets.

When I finally get to the building it's quiet and, looking at the bomb site, I understand why. Only the four walls are still standing and even those look like they could fall at any second, anything that had been in the building would have to be immensely lucky to survive and that didn't bode well for Mello.

There weren't any police around, figuring that anything in the building would be dead and they could just come back later with a body bag, so I parked my car in a nearby alley way and, pulling my black jacket closer to my face, walked into the gutted remains of the building.

Picking my way over the rubble on the floor I made my way into the building "Mello?" I honestly didn't know what I was expecting to hear but when I got no response from the blond I could feel dread and disappointment welling up inside me _perfect. I spend five years looking for him and he goes and kills himself before I can talk to him_ "god damnit, Mello" I kick a piece of rubble away from me and follow it with my gaze and, as it comes to a stop, I gasp.

There lay Mello, covered in rubble and dust, laying unconscious beneath the remainder of the stairs. I inched forward kneeling down next to the unconscious blond and, pulling the larger pieces from him and turning him over. Pulling away I covered my nose, tying to protect it from the overwhelming stench of burnt leather and skin.

Kneeling over him with wide eyes I asses the damage. Mello had a savage, red, weeping burn down his side, neck, face and arm and, caked with dust, it would be in very big danger of becoming infected if it wasn't treated soon. Mello's blond hair was red and matted with partly dry blood, the obvious work of the sharp, blood stained piece of rubble near his head.

I kneel down next to the blond and lay a finger softly on his neck, sighing in relief when I find a pulse. Pulling some of the larger pieces of rubble away from Mello I slip a arm under his arms and under his legs and lift him up. He wasn't heavy and that worried me as I made my way across the rubble, he also wasn't fighting back which was possibly more worrying. Usually Mello would be fighting everything tooth and nail, even when unconscious so the fact that he was still and almost silent couldn't be a good thing.

I walked back to my car and, with some fancy manoeuvring, managed to get Mello in the back seat with the door closed before racing around to my side of the car and jumping in. Starting the car I manoeuvre carefully though the traffic, keeping under the speed limit so that I wouldn't be caught with a unconscious mafia leader in my car. Though it was important that I kept under the speed limit, I was worrying about Mello the whole time and this was making my foot twitch dangerously on the gas pedal, itching to speed all the way back to the flat.

I let out a sigh of relief when the flat came into view _no police, it's a start_. Mindful of my injured cargo I sped into a parking spot as close to the stairs as possible and, hoping like hell I didn't meet anyone on the way up, I gingerly picked up Mello and started up the stairs, smiling at the slight moan I got when I closed and locked the car.

Sighing in relief as I opened my apartment door I quickly walked inside and, kicking the door closed behind me, walked into the bathroom. I lay Mello in the wide tub and, taking off his shoes, I plugged the tub and turned on the cold water so that it slowly filled the tub. While the tub filled I hunted down a hair tie, a pair of scissors and the first aid kit. Setting some clean towels on the counter top and set the First aid lit on the floor next to me, flipping the lid up I assessed the damage with a keener eye.

The burns were savage and red, travelling down his side, neck, face and arm. The dust and grit had formed a soft layer which was starting to peel off and Mello's leather vest would need to be removed. The wound on Mello's head had opened again some how and new rivulets of blood dripped down Mello's neck and face which, along with a dozen or so other wounds, were turning the water a angry red colour. Sighing, I unzipped Mello's vest and slowly peeled it off the burns, eliciting a groan of pain from the blond "I'm sorry Mels, " I say as I put the vest off to the side and swap it for a pair of tweezers from the kit "but this may hurt a little" I move Mello's hair to the side and, being as careful as I possibly can, pull the bigger pieces of grit from the wound.

I leaned back and grabbed the anti-septic, a wash cloth and more bandages. I had Mellos head wound, along with the Face and neck burns, covered in gauze and bandage.

The water was now starting to clear as all the blood drifted to the bottom of the tub but I had a job to do, pulling the plug and letting the water drain. Quickly setting up some towels and the first-aid kit in the bedroom so that I could do this cleanly, I gingerly picked Mello up bridal style, wrapping a towel around his side and another around his arm, before walking into the bedroom.

Setting Mello down on the bed I grabbed the anti-septic and a hand towel, setting them on the side table before first un-winding the towel around his arm. It had the desired effect, absorbing any left over water and any weep from the burn. Dabbing some anti-septic on the hand towel I wiped it across the burn carefully, wincing every time Mello whimpered in pain "I'm sorry" was all I could say, I was removing the grit from the wounds and that must have been agonisingly painful.

A hour later Mello was covered in bandages down his waist and down to his left elbow, his gun was safely hidden and a loose, black cotton shirt was left on the bed next to him.

Walking out of the room and half-closing the door behind me I picked up the phone and ordered a pizza, turning on the radio as I ordered

_I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me  
I still feel your touch in my dreams  
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why  
Without you it's hard to survive  
_

I groaned and put my head in my hands _why this song? Why now?_

_'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling  
And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast?  
I want this to last  
I need you by my side_

I remembered what happened after I woke up that morning so long ago.

I remembered waking up rolled on my side with my head buried in someone's leather clad chest. I felt something brush lightly across my cheek, making my eyes flutter open slowly. I remembered him rolling onto his back and he must have been close to the edge of the bed because he ended up toppling off and, because of the arm around me, I was pulled off too.

'_Cause every time we touch, I feel the static  
And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky  
Can't you hear my heart beat so?  
I can't let you go  
I want you in my life_

I glared at the stereo as I got up off the couch and checked my clothes, now covered in water, blood and smelling of anti-septic.

I sighed and walked into my room, just next to Mellos, and closed the door. Walking to my wardrobe I opened it and, after a second of thought, grabbed a red halter neck with black stripes, a black jacket and a pair of black skinny jeans. Changing quickly I pulled my hair out of it's ponytail and started up my laptop, not sitting down with it because of a ring at the door.

Walking over I snagged my wallet on the way and, opening the door, smiled when I saw a pizza delivery boy "How much?"

"$10.90" I nodded. The boy looked about 16 with spiky brown hair and the most shocking blue eyes I'd seen in a long time.

I handed him the money and thanked him, waving as he walked off._  
_

_Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky  
They wipe away tears that I cry  
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all  
You make me rise when I fall_

Smiling as I closed the door I set the pizza on the table, that smile quickly vanished as I heard crashing from inside Mellos room. Walking quickly to the door I push it open and see Mello, thrashing around on the bed "hey!," I rush into the room and try to stop the thrashing man on the bed ", Stop! You'll just hurt yourself more" I grab his wrist but Mello, being Mello, retaliates. His fist catches my jaw with enough force to send me to the floor, a little gasp escaping my lips as I fell.

_'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling  
And every time we kiss I swear I could fly  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast?  
I want this to last  
I need you by my side  
_

This seemed to almost bring Mello back to his senses, or maybe the pain had gotten too much…_no, not Mello. Something like pain couldn't stop him_ and I was right. With a grunt of pain Mello moved over enough to look at me off the corner of the bed "who the hell are you?"

"I'm the person who saved your life moron" Mello growled but I paid no attention to it

"where the hell am I?"

"you're in my apartment" I got up and dusted off the back of my jeans, ignoring the glare Mello sent me from his uncovered eye

_'Cause every time we touch, I feel the static  
And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky  
Can't you hear my heart beat so?  
I can't let you go  
I want you in my life_

Mello sighed, so did I "Mello"

"hm?" I looked at him curiously

"my name, it's Mello"

"Sayaki" I had said that name so many times that it was almost as common to me as Matt "any particular reason you tried to blow yourself up?"

"personal reasons. How the hell did you get me here anyway?"

"In a car"

"Tch, no. I mean how'd you get past all the police barricades?" He was getting irritated and a irritated Mello isn't good

"easily. The place was un-guarded" I shrugged, scratching the back of my head absent mindedly

"Near wouldn't have been that casual" Mello said, more to himself than to me, and I answered, knowing I wasn't supposed to have heard it but not caring at all.

"Near…oh, him" I grinned "I'm not that stupid"

_'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling  
And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast?  
I want this to last  
I need you by my side  
_

"really? You don't look too smart either"

"I could say the same about you" this statement elicited a growl from him "oh stop growling. You sound like some rabid animal" I say dismissively, grinning at the glare he gave me _that's the Mello I know_

"Hungry?"

He shakes his head

"ok, I'll save you some pizza for later then" He nods and closes his eyes. He didn't thank me but that's Mello, he doesn't do 'please and thank-you'

* * *

_Beyond these clouds you can hide all your tears  
Beyond this world you'll be safe from their wicked fears  
And in their hearts they fear your demands  
You know their minds won't accept you, they'll never understand_

Fly away, fly away  
From the torch of blame  
They hunt you  
The Lucifer's Angels  
Never lived, you never died  
Your life has been denied  
They call you  
The Lucifer's Angel

* * *

* * *


	3. Not Such A Good Life

_And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel_

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words it makes me weak

* * *

It was all burning. My body was burning.

In previous, brief, moments of consciousness I remember moving, every time moving, then surrounded by cool liquid and a tearing pain down my side. If I remember hard I could hear steady, even breaths coming from next to me, someone saying "I'm sorry Mels," _it sounded so familiar, so comfortable._

Then came the real pain. It was a tearing, searing, burning pain that was ripping me down the side. The only thing that stopped me from letting out more than a whimper of pain was the calming voice that was apologising every time I whimpered. I figured that I didn't know this woman, at least by the feel of it when she brought me in, so I could let down my barriers, just a little.

The next time I came to, I was in a dark room, my vision was fuzzy and, on one side it was white hot. I fisted my hands, soft material coming in-between my fingers and palms, and tried to sit up but had a immediate onslaught of dizziness and pain that pushed me back. My head hit a pillow and I figured that I was in a bed, in someone's apparent _damn._ I wasn't one to let pain get me down, now more than ever I needed to disappear, so I tried to sit up again fighting the dizziness and pain. I must have thrown something because I heard the sound of glass shattering and next thing I know the door was opened and I could see a blurry silhouette in the doorway. I panicked and started thrashing, figuring that if I can't get away then I can at least keep them away "hey!," The voice is feminine ", Stop! You'll just hurt yourself more".

The woman quickly walks over and grabs my wrist, possibly attempting to settle me down, but my hand snaps out and I catch her with my fist. Hearing the slight gasp I almost feel bad and, groaning a little in pain, I move closer to the edge of the bed. My vision had started to clear up and, as I turned my head to look at her, I was slightly shocked.

She had long hair; probably a dark red or brown, large green eyes; dark green rings around a light green centre, a petite nose and full lips. She had pale skin and defiantly had a good body "who the hell are you?"

"I'm the person who saved your life moron" I was going to sigh but it pulled at my burning chest and elicited a growl of pain instead

"where the hell am I?"

"you're in my apartment" I watched as she got up and dusted off her pants, pointedly ignoring my glare. Taking less of a breath this time I let it out in a small sigh, picking up her sigh as well

"Mello" I didn't like giving people my name but it seemed necessary since I obviously wasn't going anywhere any time soon

"hm?" Those green eyes travelled to me again, filled of curiosity

"my name, it's Mello"

"Sayaki" the edges of her lips twitched a little "any particular reason you tried to blow yourself up?"

That, I wasn't going to tell her, not about Matt "personal reasons. How the hell did you get me here anyway?"

"In a car" she said slowly, the curiosity slowly giving way to mischief

"Tch, no. I mean how'd you get past all the police barricades?" my eye started to twitch in irritation and I was holding in a growl of annoyance

"easily. The place was un-guarded" she shrugged and scratched the back of her head in a way that gave the impression of one who didn't really care

That was un-expected _either it's a trap, in which case I really need to leave, or Near really thinks I'm dead _"Near wouldn't have been that casual"

I wasn't expecting her to answer, nor was I expecting her to hear, but she did anyway, looking at me and smiling…no…grinning "Near…oh, him. I'm not that stupid"

"really? You don't look too smart either"

"I could say the same about you," I couldn't stop the growl this time, though to be honest I didn't really try. I had no reason to scare her and I didn't want to upset her, at least until I'm in a little less pain ", oh stop growling. You sound like some rabid animal" She just grinned and, once again, ignored my glare.

"Hungry?" I was hungry but it wasn't anything bad at the moment so I just shook my head "ok, I'll save you some pizza for later then" I nod and close my eyes, hoping that she'd leave. I hear her walk out of the room and partially close the door behind her. Listening closely I hear her turn down the radio, then footsteps fading a little followed by the sounds of something scraping against something else, possibly plates

_I'm sorry Matt, but it may take longer than expected to find you again…_ I wasn't the sentimental type, nor did I show much emotion, but when I thought of Matt I let myself get swept up in the memories.

_I was half awake. _

_I knew that I had migrated back to my bed last night to find Matt sleeping on it, her hair splayed over my pillow. I had sighed and walked to the other side, l__aying on top of the blankets. I stiffened when Matt turned around and snuggled into my chest, murmuring something in her sleep, but I didn't even try to move her or move away. Instead I wrapped a arm tentatively around her back and sighed, closing my eyes and falling into the bliss of sleep._

_I was on my side with Matt curled into my chest and one arm around her, the other was being used as a substitute pillow by Matt. I looked at her and moved a strand of hair from here eyes as she moved. Her eyes opened slowly and, not expecting her to wake up so soon, moved backwards totally forgetting that one arm was under her and that I was on the edge of the bed. Loosing my balance I fell back and, unfortunately, dragged the still half asleep mat with me._

_Matt landed on top of me…straddling my waist. Not helping the problem was the fact that her face was rather close to mine and she smelled faintly of wild berry, a scent that I had never noticed before._

_Both our eyes widened, though mine were more alert, and I knew we were both blushing to some degree. She sat up, blinking once before really noticing how she was sitting; straddling my waist with both hands resting on my chest. Her blush deepened as she stood up in a hurry but tripped over my foot and landed facing me "I'm so sorry" she said, a embarrassed tone to her voice_

"_it's my fault" I said, moving into a sitting position_

"_bu-" her green eyes widened a little more_

"_no buts'" I said firmly, getting up before offering her a hand. She nodded and slowly took my hand, smiling a little._

I sighed, running a hand trough my hair slowly "damn it" now I couldn't escape the memories and I knew which one was coming next. I didn't fight it, taking it as punishment for what I did to her.

_Near had said something. A annoying remark, as they all are__ but I wasn't in the mood for it._

_It was a warm day and I was sitting under a tree with Matt. I growled and got up, grabbing the front of that stupid white shirt of his "what ever you want near I suggest you say it quick. I'm not in the mood for your dumb remarks right now"_

"_my__, my Mello, even deafer than usual-" I growled again and pulled my fist back, ready to punch that stupid sheep's head in. I registered Matt get up and run over but I didn't think there was anything she could do as I was already swinging my fist but I was wrong. I felt my fist connect with a cheek. The problem was that it wasn't Near's cheek…it was Matt's._

_She was knocked to the floor, tears already forming and dripping to the grass. I knelt down next to her but she flinched away from the hand travelling to her face, wanting to see what it was that I did to her. She looked at me, her piercing green eyes were full of pain and she gingerly touched her cheek, wincing as she touched it "Matt…I'm sorry"_

"_it was my fault" she said quietly_

"_bu-"_

"_No buts" she said, putting a finger on my lips for just a second before she got up and walked off, heading for the nurses office_

"_well done. You're more of a brute than I first thought" Near said, walking past me and back into the building_

_When Near was gone I spun around and punched the tree "Damn it" I said quietly, punching the tree again._

_I continued punching the tree until my knuckles were bleeding and raw._

_When I saw __Matt that night she was curled up on her bed with her Nintendo, she glanced at me as I walked in and I saw that her cheek was swollen and red._

_Hanging my head I felt a wave of shame as I walked over to my bed and fell, face first, onto it._

With that sad memory piercing my heart I fell into a fitful sleep

* * *

It had been three days since Mello first arrived and, between reading through the SPK files and worrying about every thing that could possibly go wrong, I'd had about five hours sleep, at most. I glanced at Mello's bedroom door for the thirtieth time in ten minutes before reluctantly puling my eyes back to the screen, reading a report on the bombing four days ago.

The police were saying that a burst gas main had lit and blew the building but those that knew what really happened weren't saying anything. They mentioned the disappearance of Mello's body but they didn't sound too worried about it _do they know that he isn't dead? _I couldn't help but wonder as I finished the report and closed the file.

Standing up I stretched, hearing some pops, and walked over to the coffee pot, pouring myself another cup of extra strong coffee, which I had been substituting for sleep while I waited for the blond to wake up again.

Taking a sip f the strong liquid I leaned against the bench and sighed, massaging the bridge of my nose in an attempt to dispel the headache that was forming in-between my eyes. Setting down the coffee mug I opened the draw next to me and pulled out a bottle of pain killers and, after popping the lid and getting a glass of water, I swallowed two of the small white pills.

I was about to resume my coffee drinking when I heard a sleepy moan from Mello's room. Hurrying over to the door I pushed it open, letting in a dim light into the dark room "matt?" Mello asked, his voice cracking a little

"no, sorry" I say quietly, walking over to the bed and kneeling down next to Mello

"how'd you find me anyway?" he asked quietly only a slight rasp in his voice

"uhhh…let's save that for another time" Mello didn't say anything about it

"How long have I been out?"

"three days, give or take" I shrugged "I lost count after the first sixty-something hours"

"Damn…" Mello fisted a hand and closed his eyes, letting out a annoyed breath of hair through his teeth

"miss a date or something? I usually have a clear calendar when I try blow myself up"

Mello glared at me "after three days it's no wonder I feel fucking hollow" _and Mello is back…_

"alright. I'll go heat something up" I get up and walk out of the room, up-ending my now cold coffee into the sink as I went past.

Opening my freezer I picked up a ice-cream container of soup and, closing the freezer, snagged a pot on my way to the stove. Putting the pot on the stove and putting in a little water before turning the element on, I put the frozen chunk of soup in the pot and put on the lid. Grabbing a glass I filled it with water and snagged the bottle of pain-killers as I walked back into Mello's room.

Seeing Mello laying on the bed, eyes closed and breathing slightly hitched in pain, made it really sink in how lucky Mello was to be alive right now. Putting the glass and two of the pain pills on the side table I quietly walked out of Mello's room again, leaning on the counter and keeping an eye on the soup I listened to the quiet radio

_Woke up in London yesterday  
Found myself in the city near Piccadilly  
Don't really know how I got here  
I got some pictures on my phone _

_New names and numbers that I don't know  
Address to places like Abbey Road  
Day turns to night  
Night turns to whatever we want  
We're young enough to say_

I sighed and closed my eyes, rubbing the bridge of my nose to try slow the building headache

_Oh this has gotta be the good life  
This has gotta be the good life  
This could really be a good life, good life_

_Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight  
Like this city is on fire tonight  
This could really be a good life  
A good, good life_

I knew that if I continued to be Sayaki then, if Mello found out, it could drastically blow up in my face but I didn't want to think what could happen after years and years…after leaving like that… I refused to be dragged into the memory. Using the song to divert my mind. I started to sing.

At first it was quiet but, once I had the right timing, it slowly got louder. I hadn't sung since I left Wammys, hell even then I didn't sing much, but I figured that singing was for people who had something happy to cling onto. I had nothing but, now that Mello was here, I could start to reach out again, even if only for a short time while he recovered.

"_To my friends in New York, I say hello  
My friends in L.A. they don't know  
Where I've been for the past few years or so  
Paris to China to Col-or-ado_

_Sometimes there's airplanes I can' t jump out  
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now  
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e  
What there is to complain about__"_

_

* * *

_

_I_t's funny that you're calling me tonight  
And yes I've dreamt of you too  
And does he know you're talking to me?  
Will it start a fight?  
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room  
Sometimes I wish she was you  
I guess we never really moved on

* * *

Sorry it's so short but it seemed like a good place to end the chapter.

I'll still be working hard on my stories but, unfortunatly, it's exam year and I gotta study too *cries*

So you know the drill and I'll see ya next time ^^


End file.
